Damn Liberal Yankees

If you need another reason to hate the Democrats, here it is. Union workers, welfare queens and and illegal aliens thrive under Democratic administrations, but not as much as the New York Yankees.

In this, the first year of the Obama Administration, the Yankees won their first World Series since . . . the last year of the Clinton Administration. You can blame George W. Bush for a lot, but you can't blame him for a Yankee World Championship. While Clinton was having relations with Monica Lewinski, Derek Jeter was adding four rings and an untold number of venereal diseases.

Under GHW Bush and Reagan, the Yankees won no world titles and only one American League Pennant, in 1981 as America was still suffering from Jimmy Carter malaise. In Carter's four years, inflation, unemployment, and Reggie Jackson's # of rings rose exponentially (2 titles in four years).

During the Ford/Nixon era, the Yankees added no World Championships and no pennants. The Yanks must have thought LBJ was a war mongering Republican; during his term they added two pennants but no championships.

JFK saw 2 Yankee World Championships in his two years as President, until a Red Sox fan named Lee Harvey Oswald could stand it no more.

You have to go back to Ike in 1958 to find the last Republican President to see a Yankee world title. Ike saw six pennants and three world titles. Then he waxed on about the military/industrial complex and gave birth to the modern left.

Truman and FDR held the White House for two decades. During that time the Yankees won eleven titles and and twelve pennants.

The first four Yankee titles took place under two Republicans. 1932 under Hoover, 1923, 1927 and 1928 under Coolidge. They won seven pennants in that time. However, that's ancient history.

You Go Girl

There's been a lot of talk about the importance of positive body images for women. US Magazine recently ran a positive story about normal, everyday women who love their bodies. Or do they? Here are the top 11 body image quotes from the article, from the woman who said it:

11. Fergie - If I don't do situps, my stomach sticks out

10. Cameron Diaz - I enjoy my body a lot more now than I did in my 20's

9. Jennifer Lopez - In every movie, you want to look as thin as you can look

8. Eva Longoria - I know many women with big boobs who feel overweight or end up with back problems

7. Kate Winslett - I don't know a single woman who doesn't stand up and check the tushie before she walks out the door

6. Carrie Underwood - I haven't worn jeans in years

5. Scarlett Johansson - I don't need to be skinny to be sexy

4. Eva Mendes - If your body's a certain way, things can get distasteful in a second

3. Angelina Jolie - I know other women would kill for my lips, but I feel they take over my face

2. Jennifer Love Hewitt - There are days when I'm like, Ugh, Really? Why is it so hard to fit into my jeans?

1. Kate Hudson - I have no boobs

Thank God these typical women are able to maintain healthy body images. They are an inspiration for other women everywhere!

Foot And Mouth Disease

Our good friend LearnedFoot is officially a missing person. His whereabouts have been unknown since 3 pm last Sunday. While no one seems to know where he is, we have a top 11 list of likely speculations regarding his whereabouts:

11. Naked in the fetal position in his basement muttering, "how bout dem Badgers?"

10. Alcohol induced coma

9. Stockpiling ammo and listening to “Sons of Liberty” podcasts

8. Jail

7. Cloistered at a monastery in Tibet trying to find meaning in life

6. Preparing a class action lawsuit against Brett Favre for alienation of affection against the residents of the state of Wisconsin

5. After losing faith in God, joined the Democrat party and was last seen door knocking for RT Rybak in south Minneapolis

4. Ranting accusations that his wife is leaving him for Jeff Fecke

3. Reenacting the penultimate scene of "The Deer Hunter"

2. In his bathroom, secretly experiencing a tender moment in his new purple #4 jersey

1. Now blogging under the name Barthélemy Barbancourt at Anti Strib

Packer Fans' Status Alert Update: on to Bargaining

Top 11 Reasons President Obama Cancelled Plans to Attend the 20th Anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall

11. Confused when staff told him he couldn’t blame the destruction of the Berlin Wall on George W. Bush and Fox News

10. He's planning to spend millions in stimulus funds on rebuilding the Berlin Wall

9. Heard that David Haselhoff would be opening for him

8. DVD box set of Hogan's Heroes that he planned to give as a gift won't be released until 2010

7. Already honored the Germans enough by watching The Sound of Music last week

6. Wants to move beyond the old divisions of communism and freedom

5. Afraid talking about the fall of the Berlin Wall would remind people of his falling poll numbers

4. Needs to spend 100% of his time demonizing his domestic opponents

3. Afraid that Russia might be upset if he attends

2. Angry that he won't be receiving an award

1. Has already heard that Pink Floyd song enough times to last a lifetime

Top 11 REAL reasons King Banaian is leaving NARN

It has been announced that King Banaian, founding member of the Northern Alliance Radio Network, is ending the Final Word radio program on AM1280 the Patriot and starting a new show, Saturdays from 9 - 11 AM on sister station KYRC (AM 1570).

Rumors are swirling about his motivations. Here are the Top 11 most likely reasons he is leaving NARN:

11) Court order, due to losing false advertising case about calling his show "The Final Word"

10) The Sons of Liberty were making menacing comments about King being one of the trees of tyranny

9) Solved all problems related to US economy on last show, didn't have anything else to talk about

8) Noticed KYRC studio has comfortable chairs and working headphones

7) Bumped off by new AM1280 radio consultant Turk Wendell

6) Thought it would be easier to buy the St. Louis Rams if he were on a less controversial radio station

5) Refused to open his show with “Hi, how in the world are you anyway?”

4) The Patriot felt he was too soft on the Federal Reserve

3) Saturday 3pm - 5pm time slot wasn't as lucrative as he imagined

2) Been waiting a long time to kick David Strom's ass in the ratings

1) After The Patriot made him renounce his vegetarianism, he was scared of what he'd have to give up at the State Fair next year

Top 11Reasons St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman Isn't Running for Governor

11) Couldn't bear to challenge fellow "Brokeback Mayor" RT Rybak

10) Already closed a deal with Norm to buy his old "Coleman for Senate" yard signs

9) Concerned it would call into question the journalistic integrity of brother Nick's Twitter feed and lose him dozens of followers

8) Most of campaign staff and volunteers unavailable until ACORN funding resumes

7) Like most St. Paul residents, he's afraid to venture west of Highway 280

6) Was informed that Joe Biden was coming to town to campaign for him

5) Realized he would not longer be able to blame his failed policies on a Republican in a higher office withholding funds

4) Afraid that the extra media attention of a Governor’s race would lead voters to discover that he isn’t Norm Coleman

3) Depressed at the thought that he would have to spend significant time hanging out with Mark Dayton, Matt Entenza, John Marty, Tom Rukavina, etc. for months to come

2) Learned that Jesse Ventura's son is still living in attic of Governor's mansion

1) Feels he can't abandon St. Paul until he raises taxes a few more times

Top 11 Accomplishments that Won President Obama the Nobel Peace Prize

11. His election lowered the incidence of hate-filled profanity-laced rants on liberal blogs by over 75%

10. He was responsible for Rio being awarded the first South American Olympics

9. His domestic policies have reduced the income gap between the world’s richest country and the third world

8. His brave inaction over corrupt Iranian elections prevented any possibility of an unpeaceful revolt to overthrow mullahs

7. Instead of whacking Killer Swamp Rabbits with paddles, he has opened dialogues with them

6. He sent back the bust of noted war monger Winston Churchill

5. He convinced Brett Favre to join the Vikings and thus brought together Vikings and Packers fans

4. Kept Hillary Clinton out of the White House

3. He developed high yielding drought and disease resistant grains that fed billions of people (oops, that’s Norman Borlaug’s accomplishment that won him the 1970 Nobel Peace Prize)

2. He created a lot of peace between the time he took office (January 20) and the deadline for Peace Prize nominations (February 1)

1. Never has anyone done more to bring Independents and Republicans together