Sunday, February 27, 2005

The MOB Rules (preview 1)

WARNING: The following post epitomizes the inside-blogging kind of a thing Craig Westover warns about here.

Many of you (okay, two of you) have asked, “Whatever happened to the MOB movie?” Well, it’s currently in pre-production, possibly coming out in time to qualify for the 2005 Oscars. Since tonight is Oscar night, I thought it might be a good time for the first of three previews of “The MOB Rules”.

Like all good previews, this one gives away the ending of the movie. We join the action shortly after the MOB has brought down Nick Coleman and Jim Boyd.
(If your character does not appear in these final scenes, it is because you died dramatically and heroically earlier in the film.)

Scene: Front Lobby of the Star Tribune Building
The MOB members are excitedly buzzing about the lobby (except Mitch Berg [Randy Quaid], who is mumbling to himself at the edge of the crowd. Captain Fishsticks is conspicuously absent).

The MOB silences when the elevator bell rings and the crowd parts when the doors open. Nick Coleman [Bill Murray] and Jim Boyd [Peter Boyle] sullenly step out of the elevator, each carrying a cardboard box containing their personal effects.

Coleman spots David Strom [Ricky Gervais] in the crowd.

NICK COLEMAN [Bill Murray]:
[to David Strom] I’m still gunning for you and your Strom-troopers! How do you sleep at night Strom? Oh, that’s right; you can’t unless you use that Darth Vader machine!

DAVID STROM [Ricky Gervais]:
[in Slough accent] Thanks for reading my blog, you bloody wanker!

Coleman turns his attention to St. Paul and elbows his way through the crowd of St. Paul’s groupies.

ST. PAUL GROUPIE #7 [Kirsten Dunst]:
Watch where you’re going, you meanie!

NICK COLEMAN:
[to St. Paul] This isn’t over Captain Anonymous Attack Underwear Blogger, or whatever your real name is. [to the crowd] Hear that? This is not over! I will be back and my column will be bigger than ever!

ST. PAUL [Frank Caliendo]:
[smirking] Oh, I’m sure you could get a column in the City Pages [evilly] heh, heh, heh.

Coleman reaches into his cardboard box and extracts a pair of white gloves.
NICK COLEMAN:
Now you’ve gone too far! I demand satisfaction!
Coleman slaps St. Paul across the face with the gloves.

ST. PAUL’S GROUPIES (ALL):
OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!

A smile slowly appears on St. Paul’s face.
ST. PAUL:
I accept your challenge, sir. I believe that as the challenged party, the choice of weapons is mine.

NICK COLEMAN:
It makes no difference to me.

ST. PAUL:
Very well sir, then the weapon I choose is the wit. I propose a trivia showdown at Keegan’s Irish Pub.

NICK COLEMAN:
Ah, you’ve fallen into my trap, Captain Anonymous Attack Underwear Blogger, you seem to have forgotten one thing: I know stuff.

ST. PAUL:
Oh, I haven’t forgotten. I will see you at Keegan’s with my Fraters Libertas team. You may choose three others to join your team.

NICK COLEMAN:
I choose my former MSM colleague Jim Boyd and ...
TO BE CONTINUED

2 Comments:

Blogger Doug said...

Da-uhm! This stuff is riveting! Who did you score for the soundtrack? John Williams? Danny Elfman?

10:06 PM  
Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

Ronnie James Dio will provide the classic title song, from his days in the 1980s with Black Sabbath.

8:56 AM  

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