Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dio Is Too Old To Rock

In early 2004, while looking for information on all the candidates running for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination, I came across the fact that heavy metal singer Ronnie James Dio was in the field. According to his campaign site, Dio was born July 10, 1940. That means we just missed the opportunity to celebrate his 65th birthday.

Dio came to prominence as the lead singer for metal bands Elf and Rainbow. He went on to replace Ozzy Osbourne in Black Sabbath and enjoyed moderate solo success in the 1980's. He still tours occasionally. However, I would argue that at age 65 Ronnie James Dio is too old to rock.

Here's a salute to the failing metal power that is Dio. Ironically, it is set to his own solo tune, "Rainbow in the Dark."

When I hear Dio
Nowadays it bring me down
Cause he's old and his music, once bold
Today lacks that metal sound
I think that it' tragic
To see that codger up on stage
When he used to rock out loud
In a heavy metal rage

His social security's coming baby
He's no longer in vogue
Dio is too old to rock!

Ronnie James Dio
Used to rule metal you know
His fat butt and his distended gut
Should no longer in leather go
He's geriatric
He's no longer young and spry
I could cry
When I spy
Him taking stage one more time

His social security's coming baby
He's no longer in vogue
Dio is too old to rock


Blogger Nicko McDave said...

What the heck???? I'm sitting here in my office listening to Dio and all of a sudden I'm reading a Dio-inspired post by NIGP. Synchronicity is a fascinating thing.

I saw Dio perform live back in 2003, and he was great. His voice has hardly changed in thirty years. Compare that to a lot of his contemporaries, who start losing their vocal abilities within ten years of the height of their fame. That parody could apply to just about any old rocker other than Dio.

I love Dio's music, but he started to lose me last year when he released an album with a song that he wrote about Richard the Lionhearted, but then changed his mind and announced that it was about George W. Bush instead. Why does everyone I like decide that they have to be Michael Moore these days?

12:46 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home