Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Top 11 Ways The Star Tribune Has Been Padding Its Circulation Numbers

11. Nick Coleman dumps copies at the White Castle on University and Lexington.

10. Each section is counted as a separate newspaper.

9. Every participant in the Million Man March was counted as a subscriber.

8.

7. Entire inmate population at Guantanamo Bay included as honorary subscribers.

6. Every fish wrapped in the paper is counted even if the fish no longer has a head.

5. Subscriber counts include all of Kim Ode's cats.

4.

3. All the birds at the MAARS center who "use" the paper daily are counted as subscribers.

2. Includes the projected number of additional children and wives of Nick Coleman over next 30 years.

1. Over the objection of the editorial department, pregnant women are counted as two subscribers.

4 Comments:

Blogger The Conservative Minnesotan said...

I think that someone has padded their top 11 numbers. I want a refund! Oh, it's free? Nevermind.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Night Writer said...

You forgot to mention:
Subscription department staffed by MoveOn.org voter registration activists.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Rambix said...

VERY funny. While doing research for my employer, I read this posting and almost spit some water out on my desk. That would not have been good. Anyway, I'll check back later to continue my *ahem* research.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Ryan W. said...

One more way:
All of Sid Hartman's "close personal friends" are counted as subscribers.

3:59 PM  

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