Cynical Vikings Guy: Sitting Pretty

Hi, Cynical Vikings Guy (CVG) here to report that life is good. And I didn’t even get to see the Vikes defeat the Redskins. Hold on, while I refresh my glass of Dom Perignon.

Ahh, good stuff. Now, here’s my story: Saturday morning I causally flipped open the sports section and stared in disbelief. I logged onto the internet and confirmed the information on several websites. Well, if Vegas is going to give away free money, I’m getting in line. I took off for my bank, emptied my accounts and put the cash in my carry on. At the airport, the screeners were suspicious that I had bought a last minute one-way ticket to Las Vegas and my only luggage was a bag of cash, but they waved me through when I said “Bears giving only three and a half to the Packers”.

Every once in awhile we see this early in the NFL season: the smart money doesn’t quite realize just how historically bad a team is and said team has enough delusional fans betting on them that the point spread becomes a joke. When these rare free money experiences surface, one must be ready to pounce. I didn’t get a hotel room for Saturday night – ALL of my available money was going on the Bears -3.5 over the Packers (thank God for drink tickets).

I went up and down the strip spreading my bets across several different casinos so as not to bankrupt any one casino (okay, the real reason I placed multiple bets was so that no one ticket would be over the limit that must be reported to the IRS – the IRS can read the paper; if they want a piece of the action, they can make a bet like everyone else). Then off to church to pray for the withholding of a miracle.

It was clear early on that my prayers would be answered (who is Bernard Berrian?). A few last minute Brett Favre interceptions sealed the point spread victory and I was rolling in the dough. Cashed my tickets, rented a Belagio suite, took a nap, and booked a first-class return ticket. I intentionally scheduled the flight during the Vikings-Redskins game because I was convinced that there was no way that the NFL would allow the Vikings to win against Washington, especially on 9-11. I guess the referees missed the memo – icing on the cake.

Sadly, football handicappers are a fast learning bunch and the Packers are unlikely to see a single-digit point spread the remainder of the season. But, I struck while the iron was hot and now I’m sitting pretty. Thank you, Brett Favre! Thank you, Packers!