Top 11 Upcoming Patty Wetterling Accusations

11. House Republicans knew that Tori Hunter couldn't make the diving catch on Mark Kotsay's inside the park home run, but failed to warn Tori to refrain from diving and hold Kotsay to a single

10. Norm Coleman's dad made a pass at her

9. Bush has engineered falling oil prices as revenge against Hugo Chavez and to hurt the poor in Venezuela

8. Karl Rove intentionally leaked the Foley IMs to distract voters from the fact that he intentionally dynamited the Twin Towers

7. Dennis Hastert is hiding the fact that Michelle Bachman is actually a man

6. The Foley IMs were actually discovered while hacking into Mark Kennedy's campaign computer for Amy Klobuchar

5. Tim Pawlenty convinced Phil Kessel to leave the Gophers and sign with the Boston Bruins

4. Many Republican Members of Congress have gay employees – and there IS something wrong with that

3. Eric Black is the nicest, smartest, sexiest, and best reporter in the whole wide world

2. Donald Rumsfeld arranged for a former Miss U.S.A. to pop Paris Hilton in the kisser

1. Osama Bin Laden is hiding in Denny Hastert's belly