Saturday, March 03, 2007

Sisyphus Industries Presents: Blogosphere Profanity Offsets™ !

Are you a blogger who is a virtual Mozart when it comes to deploying the Effenheimer? Do your friends marvel at how you can modify swear words to be adjectives, adverbs, nouns, verbs, gerunds, pronouns and other parts of speech that only exist in French? Would curtailing your cussing devastate the word count on your blog and make it completely impossible to express yourself? Yet, are you tired of being constantly nagged that you are contributing to the coarsening of discourse?

If you answered yes to those questions, Sisyphus Industries has the exciting solution you’ve been looking for: Blogosphere Profanity Offsets™!

Here is how Profanity Offsets™ work. Say you are a left-wing blogger who thinks there is too much profanity on the internet, but can’t bring yourself to give it up (statistics show that left-wing blogs are the primary users of profanity). You would contact Sisyphus Industries and purchase a reasonably priced Profanity Offset™ for every page on which you would like to use profanity. We will, in turn, pay* high traffic blogs like Hugh Hewitt, Instapundit, Michelle Malkin, and Power Line to refrain from using profanity on a certain number of their blog pages. The result: You have free reign to express yourself with all seven of the words you can’t say on television without increasing the overall profanity level of the internet!

The next time your mother calls you on the profanity in your blog, you can say, “Hey, Mom, my blog is profanity neutral, thanks to Sisyphus Industries’ Profanity Offsets™!”

Sisyphus Industries’ Blogosphere Profanity Offsets™: We take out the guilt, when you take out the f*cking asterisk!


* We will not actually pay these blogs to stop using profanity unless they start using more than their allotted share.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Amynda said...

That's one of the best fucking ideas I've ever heard. Put me down for $500.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Eva Young said...

Cold I get a offset for messpelling semple words? So those loosers don't bothar me weth there rediculous whining?

10:24 AM  
Blogger Pauli said...

Brill-fricking-iant.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NIGP,

Bluntly, that "survey" had enormous holes in it, it's about as statistically relevant as pudding in a gravy contest.

First, it didn't account for trackbacks, as Powerline pointed out.

Second, it didn't make any adjustment for volume or size of the included blogs (an ENORMOUS and totally unnforgivable oversight). If you track DailyKos against NIGP, the volume of posts and comments is what 10 Billion to 1?

Third, it of course didn't account for whether the mechanism of tracking comments causes repeat counting if the method of posting comments includes a comment tree.

I think any assertion that Righties use vulgarity 1/18th as often as the Lefties, is laughable. Most of the Righties I know are fat, white, career-dead-ender bitter nerds, in fact, by my statistical analysis (the people I know), the ratio is at least 20:1.

Pretty scientific

3:59 PM  

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