Top 11 Ways the Star Tribune is Preparing for Dick Cheney’s Two Hours as President

11. Jetting to Tehran to act as human shields

10. Search: “Bush is Hitler”
Replace: “Cheney is Hitler”

9. Spending the day in a bomb shelter

8. Use the money from the sale of the parking lots to buy Halliburton stock

7. Watch “Patton” over and over

6. Avoid talking on cell phones

5. Journalism union vote on whether Cheney should resign the Presidency

4. Hiding from the big Guantanamo round up

3. Lots and lots of Dick double entendres

2. Editorial pleading with Cheny to pardon Paris Hilton

1. Quadrupling the thickness of the tin foil on their hats