Top 11 Things Joe Biden Contributes To Obama Campaign

11. Avoids alienating the 0.7% of Democratic primary voters who voted Biden for President

10. Brings pro-choice cafeteria Catholic vote with him

9. Brings pro-hair plug blathering blowhard vote with him

8. Able to boost sales of "Audacity of Hope" by pairing it with Promises to Keep on Amazon

7. Putting a pro-plagiarism candidate on the ticket guarantees an endorsement from Steve Berg at MinnPost

6. In case McCain chooses Lieberman, ensures the Republicans won't have a monopoly on the use of the highly persuasive term "Joe-mentum"

5. Makes Obama's speeches seem short

4. Focus groups watching Biden on TV report that he makes them think CHANGE--change the channel

3. Can fake an East Indian accent well enough to get the candidates into any Delaware 7-11

2. For a white guy he's very clean and articulate

1. Will add gravitas, especially when Biden replaces hair plugs with George Washington style wig