The Jews Are Arsenal Men

Being a blogger is a fat life. Over the years us Nihilist in Golf Pants contributors have become accustomed to all the perks that come with being A-list bloggers. The booze, the parties, the boozy parties and the babes. But it occurs to us that the success of this blog does not solely ride on the thrice-monthly postings of our genius. Well, sure, that's like 99% of it, but we wouldn't be where we are today without you: the 4 or 5 people who comment on our awesome scribblings.

Unfortunately, the way this blog is set up, the reader comments get buried underneath a link that one must click in order to unearth all the commenty goodness inside. This can be too much for some people, and these reader comments often go unread.

To that end, today we introduce an exciting new feature here at the Nihilist in Golf Pants. Each week, or month, or - more probably - year, the staff here at NIGP will cull the comments left here and shine a spotlight on those rare ones that are deserving of more attention than a dank little comment section can provide. So here is your inaugural:

Today's featured comment was left on St. Paul's epic NARN funding expose' post by a certain "Anonymous", and reads as follows:

ZIONISTS AND THE COMPANIES THEY OWN CAUSED THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS

OUR GOVERNMENT GIVES ISRAEL THE TAXES WE PAY

I'm just going to pause here to note that the reader should lend a certain amount of credence to this comment as it is in all capital letters and is completely without punctuation. This tells us that the writer was in a hurry because his message is so urgent.

TWO ISRAELI PRIME MINISTERS HAVE BEEN IRREVERSIBLY (FINALLY) CONVICTED OF COMMENTING MASSACRES AGAINST CIVILIANS

I like how the commenter here explains what "irreversibly" means in the provided parenthetical. Or he may have been just expressing relief. Whatever it may be, I have not been able to find out the names of these two convicted PMs are. The closest thing I could find on a google search was the conviction of a former Israeli Justice Minister for getting a bit frisky with a female soldier. But really, can you blame him?

We have a call in to Anonymous asking for the names of the two Prime Ministers he is referring to. As soon as we learn the names we will pass them on to you.

IN AN ATROCIOUS VIOLATION OF THE INTERNATIONAL UN LAWS AND RESOLUTIONS
ISRAEL TORTURED 864,396 {CLOSE TO ONE MILLION} CIVILIANS TO DEATH INCLUDING :

Again Anonymous helps us understand the magnitude of the problem in a helpful parenthetical. A link to the source of this information would have been nice, but that may be asking too much of an obviously chastened commenter. At least we got the parenthetical.

UN EMPLOYEES WHILE IN THERE UNIFORMS IN DUTY INSIDE UN MARKED BUILDINGS
INJURED CIVILIANS REFUGEES INSIDE (UN) MARKED BUILDINGS
CHILDREN WHILE IN THEIR UNIFORMS INSIDE (UN) MARKED ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS

Maybe they should have marked the buildings. Don't know why they'd put them in unmarked buildings. And I have to express confusion as to the parentheticals here. But thanks for the effort!

INJURED CIVILIANS IN HOSPITALS AND MEDICAL DOCTORS AND NURSES TOO
RED CROSS AMBULANCE PARAMEDICS WHILE IN THERE UNIFORMS IN DUTY INSIDE MARKED BUILDINGS AND MINIVANS

ISRAEL IS VIOLATING INTERNATIONAL ((UN)) LAWS AND RESOLUTIONS AND HAS BEEN
OCCUPYING ARABIC LANDS FOR DECADES

In this unsourced portion of the comment, we see the commenter bust out the - what I can only assume - super-duper important double parenthesis to draw our attention to "UN".

Again, I'm at a loss here, but I fully applaud the effort.

The commenter then adds value by providing a helpful list of businesses to boycott so we can really stick it to those filthy Jews who purportedly did all that stuff listed above:

********BOYCOTT ISRAEL AND THE SUPPORTING COMPANIES********

Ooo. A header set off by asterisks. Nice touch. An all caps header may have sufficed had the entire comment not been written in all caps, so the commenter innovates here. I like it.

COMPANIES TO BOYCOTT

A subhead not set off by asterisks to provide specificity! Bravo, good sir! Bra-vo.

AOL Time Warner
Time Life magazine, CNN, ICQ

Apax Partners
Jonny Rockets, Sunglass Hut.
Arsenal Football Club


Wait a sec!

Arsenal???

NEVER!

This guy must be an Everton Hooligan masquerading as an intelligent internet commenter in an effort to get the Nihilist in Golf Pants to disavow its close ties to our beloved Arsenal Herd!

Again, I say: NEVER!

This Featured Reader Comment of the Week is over!